A Letter from SATAN

By Bunga Pakma

The following I found in my in-box not ten minutes ago, with urgent instructions to forward the content on to Hornbill Unleashed. I considered the authour of these lines, a more potent ruler than any upon the surface of this earth, and judged it best to comply with his wishes—unsavoury a character though he be—in the interest of revealing his policy and machinations to all.   —- Bunga Pakma ****

Dear Bunga Pakma,

I condescend thus to address your insignificance, but perhaps you can do me a good turn by arranging this letter to be published in Hornbill Unleashed.  If I were to tender it to your Utusan or NST, I am afraid their editors might slight me or castrate my prose.  Me, me!  The Prince of the Powers of the Air!

Yes. You’re not that dumb.  This is Old Nick here, Beelzabub (“Lord of the Flies” for the dummies among you wretched mortals), Lucifer, the Devil, Iblis.  May I remind you, and through you my proper title is SATAN, “the accuser.” I am Yahweh’s/God’s/Allah’s prosecuting attorney. Didn’t I do a nice job with that fellow Job?

I think your forum is the perfect place for me to air my great appreciation of the efforts of my subjects.  It has all been very droll, and a most satisfying amusement—as I sit on my veranda sipping a flaming sulphur cocktail—to read of the strife and dissension in Peninsular Malaya regarding the word “Allah.” Allah is my master—it is written, “The devils believe,” of course—but the silly little mortals I play with are all too ready to whack each other over their teensy, weensy scruples.

It does my heart good to see a few Muslims shouting that their God is not the God worshipped by other peoples.  Are youhomo saps kidding?  I have an interview with Allah/God/Deus/Sang Hyang every other day.  I report, and I know bloody well whom I’m reporting to.  There isn’t any other boss. He’s the Ruler of the Universe.  Letters come to him with all kinds of names for the addressee.  Do I need to specify the names he’s addressed by on Other Planets?

I lounge at my immense view of the world (you have no idea; wide screen HD doesn’t cut it), have another brimstone, and chuckle.  Oh, you silly forked things!  You imagine the Supreme Ruler is two, three, four, depending on the language and race of who’s praying to Him, and then you go and quarrel.  I am actually quite disappointed.  I tried so hard to incite some real bloodshed, which would have been so much fun to watch, but the only agents I could recruit were complete morons.

Please bow down and worship me.  Oh, you, BP, won’t.  Alas, it’s my nature to be playful and destructive for fun. Plenty of you Malaysians share my character-traits.  You know, destroy nature and culture for fun and profit; make life more painful for the ordinary person; make cities unlivable.  Plenty of you Malaysians are my devoted followers, which doesn’t surprise me, as I’ve had devoted followers in all times everywhere.  I need not name their names.  My house has many mansions, and I am ready to welcome all my people.

To conclude, “in a nutshell” as you Malaysians always seem to say, my heart is warmed (despite being at red heat already), to know that you are convinced that Allah/God is two, three, four, five, six…  Yet all the time you Malaysians, human beings all of you, unanimously believe with your whole hearts that I am one and keep your profoundest faith in Me.

God is such a boring old thing, isn’t he? He wants peace, love, tolerance and such wimpy stuff. The doddering old fool, even if he is my father.  I’m not surprised most of the human insects who call themselves “decent”  take his side.  I offer stronger, more exciting stuff.  Come to me then, folks.  I’ll see you get adventure, and there’s always room in my house for you later.

Sincerely,

Satan